The INFP Friend

What is going through your INFP friend's mind?

I never realized how mysterious people think we actually are. They are trying to figure us out by searching for us online, but all they have to really do is stop, listen, and absorb. We tend to glow whatever we are thinking. It might just be a very, very faint glow, but it is there, deep in our eyes. We can't hide it. Which, of course, royally ticks us off. Open books don't like to be read as much as one might think. It makes us squeamish. And it tickles when you turn the pages.

If you're trying to understand an INFP, good luck. If you happen to be another "Feeling" cousin, you'll have a bit of a chance. If you are a "Thinker," be ready for the treasure hunt of your life. We won't make sense to you right off the bat, although we usually do have a rhyme and reason to our actions. We draw from that inter-connectedness that our intuition feeds and our perception points out while our hearts determine how important the connections are to us. We have an uncanny way of pulling something out of the air that is randomly connected to something we just talked about oh ... ten or fifteen minutes ago. The rising price of gas is absolutely relevant to the daisy field we once saw (on a road trip last weekend) which also reminds us that we need to mow our lawn (fields, tall grass, all that) and—oh, yeah!—remember that time we were kids and it rained and you left your Tonka truck out in the sandbox and it rusted and you cried because your Mom made you throw it out? (mow lawn, lawns I used to know, rain makes grass grow, childhood, sandbox, Tonka truck.) And, oh, by the way, you would never vote for John McCain. (Pasty white guy whose skin is the color of sand.)

Ta-da! Oh, the magic of the INFP mind.

When we aren't making such enchanting leaps of our neural pathways, we are contemplating life. For example: Why am I at this job? Is it fulfilling? What have I contributed? Do my peers appreciate me? Is there anything I could do better? Should I join that book club? Did the guy at the coffee shop smile at me because I looked funny or because he was flirting? Wow, the sky is a vivid tone of cerulean blue right now. And that cloud kinda looks like an ostrich. Why don't I care more about the starving children in Africa? I should definitely care more about the starving children in Africa.

It all sounds so selfish. Be patient with your INFP friend when she confides in you again, and again, and AGAIN and asks for your advice ("Should I join the Peace Corp and go help starving children in Africa? Do you think so? Really? I want to. I'm just not sure.") This means she is comfortable with you and is trying to include you in her inner life. It's hard to break out of your inner life. Your inner life is safe. You might beat yourself up, but you don't think you're weird. Or crazy. But, yeah, okay, you know you're a little paranoid. And indecisive. (Dang that indecisiveness!) And nervous. But not crazy. So if your INFP friend is asking your advice ... give it honestly, and gently. And realize you have been entrusted with a precious thing.

But though he might frustrate you, an INFP friend is a wonderful person to have in your life. Why? Well, we:

- Are fiercely loyal to our loved ones
- Aren't jealous (usually)
- Will listen intently when we know you need to be heard (just don't bore us ... we'll stop listening and start staring blankly)
- Pour ourselves into people and causes, without complaint. (Although a word of encouragement or appreciation will fuel a grateful warm fuzzy feeling for days)
- Share willingly
- Let you be you. You don't have to pretend. Just relax; be yourself. It's all good. We like you that way!
- Are whimsical, goofy, geeky, crazy (the good kind).
- Have a child-like enthusiasm for life
- Care. A lot.
- Try to understand things ... even viewpoints different from our own

Yeah, we're pretty amazing. If you don't have one already, go find yourself an INFP friend today! Don't know where to find one? Well ... that is a blog for another day.